Why!?

It seems like there is a conspiracy that makes me feel despair. I always feel depressed even if nothing happened. I no longer afraid of death.
I really don't care if anyone is reading my posts. Just writing and reading what I wrote, makes me feel kinda relieved. It's just that I, why am I still trying to exist?
So much pressure, pressure, pressure, pressure...damn it, life is pointless? Why!? It's like hell, burning eternally,...

Math^_^

Guitar, huh? ^_^

Now that I think about my life, as my mother said, it is really true that I am perfect at nothing. Though I can do many things, I am still not enough to be myself called as perfect. I am still depressed about it, but after many guitarists playing their guitar, it seems like i still have a reason to exist. Why not play guitar and entertain people? Why I can't give them smile? All my life I dreamed of playing Final Fantasy Soundtracks on guitar, that is why from now on I will try my best to fulfill my reason for existence. ^_^

SomehoW...

This is my last year in high school, so i think i should spend it with no regrets.. I have a Kendo Competition, Volleyball Competition this year so i guess i will take Gold in both xD... I know it's hard but since i am the oldest grade i will somehow xD

My dreams

Though I always think that I am a person who was not supposed to exist, as a human i still have dreams. I always admired Final Fantasy, and played it all my life.. I also admired Nobuo Uematsu for his great artworks. I always listen to his song, wherever i go. It has been my childhood dream that I somehow wanted to Purchase Square-Enix, i know it's impossible, or just work in it.
Somehow I am traveling addicted not like having no food then going into the wild, but going into small cities, or towns and doing small part-time jobs, earning my livings, living there 4 or 5 weeks then sets off again and start all over. If you ever watched Golden Boy, then you should probably understand.
I don't know since when but i think it's from the time i was born. I always admired and loved Japan. I went there few months ago and i had a great adventure. I made tons of friend etc, but one thing I always want to, why i am trying to study in Japan is because of Tokyo University. I know it's almost impossible to take a scholarship in Tokyo University, but i guess it is one of my impossible dreams.

School

I feel like not going to school. I wish it never did exist.
It's not that i hate my class, well but i agree that some of my classmates are dumb-asses, it's just that i hate people who are studying. I always think that they are getting better than me..heh jealousy huh?
I always think that i am smart because i always could catch the lesson without practicing or doing homework. But this damned scholarship is different.
I hate gym though i can swim, play volleyball, and do kendo, it's just that i don't have enough stamina. I always train, but somehow..world is just too cruel on me.
Everyone in my class somehow hates me, i could just feel it. They all think i am some kind of emo or something who sits in the corner doing nothing but talkin to himself. But i am not..It's just that i don't like them, they are just dumb-asses who talk about childish stuffs.
...sigh.... I wish i was born in a middle-age so that i can grab my sword and fight for my life...
Struggling to live huh??

Life is cruel..

I guess i should start with an introduction, I am just a person who is trying to find the reason why he exist. I am currently studying in a high school and trying to take a scholarship in Japan. I have great parents, though they always demand me to do something and give me so much pressure.. It's not just them though but lately all i have been thinking is why the world is so cruel.
Sometimes I feel like, i shouldn't exist in this world, i never did born. People would be much happier with it. Even though I am handsome, or most people just say it, tall I hardly feel like living. I am strong mentally, but it is just not enough. I have too much stress, all i have been thinking lately was how to take that scholarship. Everyday my parents ask me if i am studying, if not always give me pressure to do. I feel so lonely, though many girls asked me to date them, i feel like not..
It's not that i am homosexual or something, it's just because the girl i waited for 2 years, she just turned me down.. No she didn't but i didn't have enough courage to ask her..
If a wizard would come and would grant me one wish, then I would ask him to make forgot all people who know me about my existence. So that i can go wherever i want...I want to travel...Place to place..with no worries...without thinking anything...doing part-time jobs....leaving...to another place....
I have tons of awesome friends, though it's just that...I am not supposed to exist in this world..